What do you do when your husband takes everything as criticism—rather than looking at the surface level and at the symptoms of what is going on?
I really want to look at the root causes, because oftentimes criticism is a sign of a deeper problem. When you have a relationship with a solid foundation, it is based on these three things:
1. Having regular consistent, quality sex in your relationship. When you have this, the chances of criticism are minimal.
2. Creating an atmosphere of trust, openness, emotional intimacy and positive communication. You can say the right words, but the atmosphere—the energy vibration in that relationship—can be very toxic and negative. What is the atmosphere that you create?
3. When you spend quality time together, when you have joint activities that you both enjoy, your overall level of enjoyment, fulfillment, and satisfaction with being together will also increase.
So it comes down to sex, quality time together, and emotional safety—and an atmosphere in which two people actually create that positive, juicy delicious space where you want to be together.
So when you have these three things, the issue of criticism practically automatically goes away. For example, if two people are in a relationship and one of them is criticizing the other for the dishes not being done, 90% of the time, the issue is not the dishes, the issue is deeper.
The issue is that these two people are not spending quality time together, not treating each other well, not communicating with each other in a safe, positive and respectful manner, and not having an intimate connection both emotionally and physically.
So again, I would look deeper. Don't react to the criticism, but look at how you are causing that.
The reality is that men always respond to us women.
I’m someone who has been married and happy, in a very positive, healthy relationship for over 13 years now. And I used to get the feedback that my husband felt that he'd been criticized. I no longer hear him say that.
Another big shift is when you completely understand and know exactly what your personality type is, and you know your spouse’s personality type, then you can completely understand and accept them exactly for who they are.
When you start speaking in a language that he understands and you fully accept him, your partner absolutely feels that there is no more resentment or playing those mind games—no judgments, or anything that can be perceived as criticism. All of that goes away when there’s total, unconditional acceptance of the other person, exactly as they are with all of their imperfections.
And I think not understanding and not accepting a person for who they are—and on a subconscious level trying to change them—that person will feel unaccepted. Somebody's not approving of them. Their spouse is not approving or not supportive, not accepting them, and they're going to feel it on an energetic level.
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